LAYERS OF GOODBYE
A Therapist’s Reflection on Loss, Grief, and New Beginnings
The act of saying goodbye is rarely a simple endeavor. In the context of a therapist’s life, it becomes an intricate dance of professional duty and personal emotion. As I navigate my own profound losses, I am confronted with the layered grief of parting ways with my clients and leaving my current position to moving on to another one. This reflective piece delves into the deeply human experience of these farewells, exploring the unavoidable attachments formed with clients and the psychological underpinnings of countertransference. Ultimately, I cling to the hope that these endings are not mere closures, but preludes to new beginnings.
Grief is a multifaceted emotion that refuses to be neatly categorized. In recent times, I have faced profound personal losses that have shaken the foundations of my world. The grief is raw and pervasive. This personal sorrow intertwines with professional losses of saying goodbye to clients and to an agency I have spent many years building up my career, creating a complex tapestry of emotion that is both challenging and illuminating.
As a therapist, I am trained to maintain a professional demeanor, but I am also human. The relationships formed with clients are unique—intense, intimate, and often transformative. Saying goodbye to clients is a process laden with its own grief. These goodbyes are not just the end of a professional relationship; they signify the conclusion of a shared journey, where both therapist and client have evolved.
In the realm of psychotherapy, countertransference is a phenomenon where a therapist’s own emotional entanglements surface in response to a client’s transference. This concept, first introduced by Freud, highlights the deep emotional exchanges that can occur in therapy. Studies indicate that countertransference can be both beneficial and detrimental. It can foster deeper empathy and understanding but also cloud professional judgment. Research shows that therapists often develop strong attachments to certain clients, mirroring familial or other significant relationships in their lives. These attachments underscore the humanity of the therapeutic profession, revealing the vulnerability that therapists must navigate.
In my practice, I have experienced countertransference in various forms. Certain clients have evoked in me a profound sense of protectiveness, reminiscent of my feelings towards family members. Others have stirred unresolved issues from my past, forcing me to confront my own vulnerabilities. In the face of these layered goodbyes, I hold onto the hope that they signify new beginnings. The process of parting ways with clients, despite its inherent sorrow, also opens the door to growth—for them and for myself. It is an opportunity to reflect, to heal, and to prepare for what lies ahead.
As I navigate this period of tremendous loss and change, I am reminded of the profound humanity that underlies the role of a therapist. The attachments formed with clients, the pain of personal grief, and the hope for new beginnings are all part of this complex, beautiful journey. In embracing these layers of goodbye, I find solace in the belief that every ending is also a new beginning, filled with the promise of growth, understanding, and renewal.
Late July 2024
Esther Son
Mental health therapist